More let downs. Fear.

I called a lawyer yesterday and set up a telephone meeting for this afternoon. We had some questions regarding the paperwork we were filling out at the IVF clinic; maternity, legal parenting rights etc.

The lawyer was recommended by the fertility clinic and when I looked him up, he specializes on family and reproductive law. I saw this as a benefit, but did notice that he did not mention anything on his website about same-sex rights or LGBT.

After our telephone conversation I was devastated, scared. Basically what he said is that I was basically giving up any rights to this child. In my state, which does not recognize my marriage, we have "assumed parentage". This basically says that whoever the child comes out of is the mother, and whoever she I married to us the father, regardless of biology or genetics. Since they don't recognize my marriage, the kid will be the wife's, since she is carrying the kid, and I, am screwed. According to the lawyer.

The only upside is; he seemed to think Michigan does not grant Second-Parent adoptions, and we know (think) they do. And he seemed to think that there was do such think as a co-parenting agreement. He also did not suggest co-guardianship.

So, I emailed lambda legal and another LGBT friendly firm in our state asking for help and referrals.

The wife and I have had a halfhearted discussion about giving birth in a state where you can have both moms on the birth certificate. Today, we had a more serious one. It's an option that gives us what we want: recognition that both of us are the kid's parents, and security in the event that something happens to one of us or the kid. The only states I know of that offer parent-parent birth certificates are California and Iowa. My research hasn't been exhaustive but neither of these states is a hop or a skip away. Also, I don't really know the ramifications of just showing up in JoeBlowville in California, in labor, not beig a resident etc etc. Plus, babies happen when they happen, it's very hard to plan that stuff. AND, are you going to have prenatal care with an OB for seven months and then just have some random person you never met, down there in your nether regions? All for a stupid piece of paper?? Maybe...

I just don't know what to do.

I guess right now I wait till summer and see if the Supreme Court delivers an answer to all our prayers. I don't think it will be that easy.