Omg omg!

Wow!  So I apparently started this post 4 days ago!  Which means I haven't posted in a week!!! Holy shit has a lot happened!!

So exciting the last 8 days!  

Following our positive home pregnancy tests we had an appointment at the clinic. Wife had her blood drawn and then we waited somewhat nervously all morning for the results.  We had already taken the home pregnancy so we were slightly less anxious about an overall, but were anxious for 'a number'.  Apparently the nurses said they like to see 'a good 50' to signify that the pregnancy is taking well.  I had to go to work (all the more glad we had already taken a pregnancy test, I wanted us to be together when we found out).  I got a call at work: bHcg was 375!!  Omg! Very pregnant!

Then we had a very 3 more days to wait as we waited for Monday to come along. The bHcg is supposed to double every 48-72 hours. So finally Monday came and the blood draw came and went. Again I was at work and get a text:

I couldn't hardly think at work!! So awesome!  The nurse was apparently flabbergasted. Although, really, considering how high it was on Friday it's about right on. 

Then we had to WAIT to have blood drawn again on Friday!! Uugh!!!

Friday came and soon I got another text...

The most we were hoping for at this point was 4000. But 7000!!!???

I'm now simultaneously terrified and exstatic!  7000 means very healthy and very pregnant. It also, very likely, means twins. Twins!!! We were ok with twins or at least we thought we were,or we would not have implanted 2. But now, omg, we might have twins!!

Of course the worrier keeps coming up with the idea that something might be WRONG. I know it isn't, can't be.  But I can't shake it. I dreamt we were having twins. Dreamt I saw the US. I'll just be happy when I can see that US and I know everything is ok. Then, hopefully, I can relax. 

We're pregnant!!!!!!!!

It was a very stressful wait. This morning we got up and nervously took a pregnancy test. I tried to prepare for the worst. But I just KNEW we'd be pregnant. We dipped the test and turned around and waited. We were supposed to wait 3 minutes to read it. I couldn't wait any longer than 60 seconds.... And it was already faintly positive!!! I made Wife wait two more minutes while it turned darker and darker!!!

We were so excited we took another one of another brand and watched it turn positive in seconds!!!!  

Glad we peed in a cup. It let us take a second test right away!

Two positive tests!!

We're pregnant!!!

I had a Dream

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that we went to our Dr. Appt to have our blood pregnancy test. I guess the test was high enough that we apparently got to have our ultrasound the same appointment!  And we were pregnant!! With TWO babies!!  Omg I was so excited. 

Now, I don't believe in 'signs' per se, I am not now convinced that this pregnancy is going to take and that we are going to have twins. However, I am still very hopeful. 

Wife asked me today which I would rather have, a singleton or twins.  I said it didn't matter, and truth be told, I will be ecstatic with either.  Twins are scary, but make a bigger family quicker, are so cute, and have a built in playmate.  A singleton will allow me to worry less about complications in uterine. Wife seems to really want a vaginal birth and this will be difficult with twins. 

I just can't wait!

I'm nervous too. We could try a pee test on Thursday and the chances of it being positive would be even higher with twins. But a negative test doesn't necessarily mean no pregnancy. But how devastated would we be if it came back negative. Would we be able to convince ourselves to wait on freaking out until after the blood test?  

Still waiting...

It's still 5 more days till we could even think about taking a pregnancy test. I can't wait!

I'm worried.  There is still a 20-25% chance that this pregnancy won't take. And that is without all the information I would like. Wife has already had two failed pregnancies, albeit, over a decade ago. But that makes me worry our chances are lower. 

I worry because Wife is miserable. She's unhappy, she hurts, she's irritable. I realize these may be due to all the mess she's on, or they might not. I want her to be comfy and happy. 

I worry because she was cramping last night and had a lot of back pain. That can be a good sign or a bad sign. She's either implanting, or miscarrying, or neither. 

I worry because there is a 12% chance of twins. I worry because I think she thought the chances were much higher. I think she has convinced herself we are having twins. We implanted 2 because it brought our, already good chances of around 60-70% up to around 75-82%. Now this is not an 82% chance of twins, just implantation of a baby. 

I worry because there is a 12% chance of twins. Twins complicate EVERYTHING. They make the pregnancy more risky.  More danger to babies, more danger to mom.  They make having the babies harder. Right now, we don't really want to have the babies in our state, because we both cant legally be their parents.  Because of that we are looking at going to NY where we were legally married and where we have some friends and family.  Having twins makes this more difficult as it is harder to predict when the babies will come. Mainly because it becomes a fight to keep them in as long as possible. 

Right now I'm just worried. I hope against hope that this pregnant takes. It's all I think about. 

Two down 14 to go!!

We did it!! We implanted 2 babies!!

Of the 7 embryos, 6 were of 'textbook' quality, according to the doc.  Today we implanted two of them!!

We lovingly call them #5 & #8. 

Implantation!!

I don't know what we are going to do for the next 2 weeks while we wait to take our pregnancy test...

It's time!!!

So here we are again.  Waiting. So. Fucking. Nervous.   Implantation in less than half an hour!!

Last night I broke down and we started painting test blotches on the walls.

The room is going to be so badass, our kids are not even going to know what to do!!!

Waiting to hear from the doc. He's supposedly looking at the embryos right now and is going to come talk To us about how many have survived, how many are growing well, how many are ready to implant and how many we are going to implant today. 

Today is the day!!!

Lots of news!

So, of the 10 eggs, 9 were mature! And of those 9, 7 fertilized!  So as of right now  we have 7 embryos!!  So exciting!  If all goes well we could implant 2 and have 5 to freeze!  This doesn't necessarily translate to 7 babies, but realistically it could translate to as many as 3 or 4!  Really pretty pleased with the results!

The procedure wet really well, the 24 hours following the procedure were basically pain free and I was like "What's the big deal? Why do I have to refrain for any physical activity for 2 weeks?!"

Then Friday afternoon came around. At first I thought it was just gas pains. But then I noticed that any chane in position was giving my gas pains. And my belly was starting to look fat. By the end of the day yesterday I swore I looked 3 month pregnant with a cute little baby bump. No! I'm not the one getting pregnant, what the hell is going on?!

This morning I got up and Wife looks at me from across the room as I got dressed and suddenly says "aww, Honey, your belly hurts doesn't it?!"  Which I thought was kind of a weird statement, because, at that point, I hadn't really said anything other than "good morning" and I wasn't flinching or holding myself awkwardly. Until I looked down. 

"Holy 5 months pregnant belly Batman!!!" Omg. I have a tumor or something growing inside me at an alarming rate!  And when I push on my belly its firm. This was really a problem as I had a party to go to tonight and quite narrowly managed to fit into my clothes!!

I know that the belly swelling and such isn't completely abnormal.  I have a friend who has donated eggs three times and she warned me about this. But I still wasn't prepared. All I can hope for is thy it doesn't get ANY worse. I don't anticipate that I was truly hyperstimmed, although my levels did spike very high. So as long as I don't start having severe pain or trouble breathing, I'm basically just going to keep trucking. 

Wife adds ANOTHER med today. And we implant in THREE MORE DAYS!!!

10 eggs!

June 6th 16:00

The initial results are in. 10 eggs were retrieved!!

The procedure wasn't so bad. I was so so so nervous in pre-op. wife finally told me to take a nap, which is how I deal with stress. I remember going into the OR, getting on the table, and then feeling very very woozy from the drugs. The next thing I know, I woke up back in pre-op. 

Had a little pain for the first couple hours. Like a period, and then it went away. I have now been without meds for over 6 hours without any real issues. 

As I am writing right now, those ten eggs are getting fertilized!!   Tomorrow they will call us and tell us the results of the fertilization and we will know how many embryos we have!  Of course I'm hoping for ten, because that will give us our best flexibility. But all I really want is enough to have one or two healthy kids. 

Omg, these kids are going to be so loved!

Oh!  No more shots for me!  Wife had to start her progesterone shots. Which she will be taking for the next three months or so, soon to be followed by Lovenox shots for at least three months. So now is her chance to be the pin cushion!!

Fingers crossed!!

Big Day #1

Well, here we are, driving to our retrieval appointment!!!

As it turns out, I'm actually kind of nervous.  I don't know what I expected as far as how many follicles I would make, but I'm already disappointed, and I don't even know for sure how many I have!  I want all of them to have eggs and all the eggs to be healthy and all the eggs to fertilize and all the embryos to be healthy and implant and all the pregnancies to go without any complications. That being said, I don't actually even know how many babies we want for real. I just know I want to have all the options, and I don't want to let Wife down. More posts as the day goes on I'm sure. 

36 hours!

We just did our hCG shot!!!

In exactly 36 hours, we will be retrieving eggs!!! We are so excited!

Wife is fabulous. She is so happy right now. She was jumping up and down and yelling at my belly (ovaries) to "give 'me up"!!

I'm nervous for the procedure. I never do well with anesthesia. I'm worried its going to hurt. But even more so I'm worried it won't work. I'm such a negative nancy. I'm just trying to prepare myself for let down because I know I and Wife will be devastated if this doesn't work. We want babies so bad. 

These babies will be so loved. And always know that they were so wanted. 

The good news is, NO SHOTS AT ALL TOMORROW!!!!

Wish us luck!!

Almost there!!

Yesterday I went in for my last Bloodwork/ultrasound appointment. 

Good news!  From what I could see, I have 4-5 follicles on my left ovary all measuring between 14 and 22mm and the right ovary may have as many as 8!!!  

My bloodwork spiked quite a bit over the weekend so I only took one of my two meds last night.  

The plan:  today I took my last morning shot (to prevent releasing the eggs). Then tonight I get my big shot of hCG to make the eggs mature in anticipation of retrieval.  Tomorrow, no meds!!!  I have to be honest, my sharps container can't hold any more!

 And Thursday morning at 1100 is the procedure!!!

I'm so nervous. I'm a little nervous about the procedure. Sure, there's something about sticking a 6" long needle into and through your vagina into your ovaries and sucking the eggs out. But really, I'm nervous about after. I'm nervous I won't make enough eggs. I'm nervous the eggs won't be good enough. I'm nervous they won't all fertilize. I'm worried they won't grow healthy embryos. I'm worried they won't implant right. I'm worried we'll miscarry. I'm so worried we will be devastated. 

But I can't think about that too much. Positive thoughts!! In just 48 hours they will be retrieving eggs and fertilizing some babies!!